Day 1: Returned from orc hunting trip with eored. Los 15 men and some horses. Not very nice. Uncle is gonna kill me. Stumbled upon three strange beings on the way home. One is Man. Is a bit of an outdoorsy type. He needs a bath. One is Dwarf. He had a big mouth. Wanted to trim his beard. Other is apparently an Elf. Wouldn't know. Never seen an Elf before. He does have pointy ears. Man starts asking strange questions. Apparently missed two of his friends during Orcfight. Claims them to be Hobbits. Hobbits? Guy needs a doctor. Seen no Hobbits, must have overlooked them small dudes. Man starts acting all big and bad, says he's Aragorn of Many Names. Act impressed, but am not. Anyone can do that trick. Three guys wanted to get Hobbits back. Must be special guys them Hobbits then. Gave travellers two horses since they were tired. They need better stamina then. I am so dead now!!
Day 2: Got back home. Immediately got brought to uncle and his advisor, one Grima Slimetongue. Had to explain what I did. Duh!! Ain't it obvious? Oh oh, uncle is mad. Must hide, cannot hide. For grumpy old man uncle is pretty scary. Broke the rules. Grima told guards to throw me in dungeons. Not very nice. Guy has a bad attitude. Gonna fix that next time.
Day 3: Am in dungeon. Is very dark place. Good for sleeping. Must remember to come here when I'm tired.
Day 4: Still in dungeon. Am very bored. Nothing to do here. Started digging hole in the ground with a spoon.
Day 5: Darn, guards come to get me out of dungeon. Can't finish me hole now. Very bad. Got to lay my sword at uncle's feet. He was looking better. Maybe he had a bath in fountain of youth or plastic surgery. Saw that Grima guy again. Wanted definitely to fix his attitude problem. No one that ugly touches me sis!! Was too late. Some bearded old guy who says he's Gandalf the White, resurrected Gandalf the Grey, got to Slimetongue first. Must say old bearded man looks a lot like Gandalf Stormcrow. Wonder if they're family. Get to go to battle! Hooray!! Let's kick some Orc asses. Asked Dwarf to ride with me on my horse, to forget argument about Galadriel. Must be a sexy chick if Dwarf is so impressed by her. Note to myself: Must check her out myself. Gandalf was given Shadowfax. Am so jealous. Is such a cool horse. Have to have it myself. But don't wanna mess with Gandalf White. Could be dangerous. Don't wanna be turned into some unnatural thing.
Day 6: Riding to Helm's Deep. Sitting too long in saddle is not good for my ass. My ass hurts! Gandalf rode off again. Guy is confusing.
Day 7: Yay! Battle with Orcs. Too bad Theodred ain't here with me. He would have liked the fight. Orcs killed him. The bastards. Fought Orcs in front of gate with Aragorn. Guy has a nice shiny sword. Dwarf saved me ass. Is not necessary. Am big boy. Can take care of myself.
Day 8: More Orcs to fight. Am amusing myself very much. Big laugh. Were too many Orcs. Must have overestimated myself again. Bad habit. Must not do that again. Had to retreat to glittering caves with Dwarf. Dwarf really impressed by big caves. Don't get it, they're just caves. Had to keep Orcs out of Aglarond. Got no help from the Dwarf, he was on sightseeing tour.
Day 9: Got out of caves. Gandalf is back. We won the fight!! Go me!! Are now going to Isengard to meet grumpy old wizard Saruman. Don't like that guy, he's got an attitude problem. Met strange tree beings on road. Elf was fascinated with them. Don't trust 'em. Must be dwimmerlaiks.
Day 10: Got to Isengard. Is now nasty place. Don't wanna go here on holiday. Met those Hobbits Aragorn chased. Funny creatures. Can see why he likes them. Went to see Saruman with our bunch. Old man is slimmer. Talking all sweet to me uncle. Not digging that. Then old wizard insulted me. I am so pissed. He's not nice man. If I could I'd kill him. Too bad Orthanc protects him. Saw Grima again. Slimer got insane. Threw down a weird silly round stone. Guy has no good aim.
Day 11: Heard strange noise. Who disturbed my sleep? Was one of them Hobbits. Looked into weird round stone. Stone too weird for me. Don't get it. Must be a dwimmerlaik. Gandalf took off with Hobbit. Wonder why he's always in a rush. Is not good for ones health. No wonder he looks so old. Better get back to sleep. Very tired of riding and fighting.
Day 12: Gandalf is gone. Everyone thinking about what to do next. Am not happy. Was woken up in middle of the night. Not very good for beautysleep. Still tired. Uncle decided to go back to Helm's Deep. Were not very long riding when Rider came up. Group of people is gaining on us. Rode back with squire and ready to face the intruders.
Dark figures stopped in front of us. Were not more than group of us. Was not impressed and decided to play big important Marshall. Apparently group is Rangers from the North. Are kinsmen of Aragorn of Many Names. Cool. Say some sons of one Elrond have ridden along too because they want to kick some ass. Elrond who?
Uncle decided to ride to Durnharg. Nearly fell off horse when Aragorn said what he wanted to do. Ranger wants to ride Paths of the Dead! Is he nuts? He must be totally wacko! No one goes there. Guy must have got a deathwish!
Day 13: Arrived in Dunharrow. Dunhere talked about winged shadow. Is very creepy thing. Saw it too before Gandalf left. Must be dwimmerlaik. Saw Eowyn again. Talked about Aragorn and Paths of Dead again. Guy is totally lost. No hope left for us. Messenger from Gondor came! Brought Red Arrow along. Know what that means!! Gondor needs help. Don't know how we can give help. But uncle decided we are going to Minas Tirith. Is very good. Can't wait to kick some more Sauron's Minsions asses.
Are leaving for Minas Tirith. Have gathered every Rider of Rohan that can be spared. Great haste is needed.
Day 14: Have entered Druadanwoods. Is land of the Woses, the Wild Men. Have poisoned arrows. Am glad they are not hunting us now. Apparently one Ghan buri Ghan has offered services to uncle. Is very funny fellow. Has weird voice and speaks weird too. Is gonna take us on fast road to Minas Tirith if we can kill Orcs. Woses hate Orcs. Is something I can deal with.
Got on road that led to Minas Tirith. Woses good people after all. Did very good job. Must remember that. Spoke my famous words: Need brooks no delay, yet late is better than never. Widfara says wind is changing. Might bring hope. Am to lead first eored into battle. Yay! Go me!!!
Day 15: No attacks on road to Mundburg. Sauron's Minions are cowards.
Theoden is singing. Never knew uncle could sing like Elvis. Have to scratch head right now. Don't know what came over uncle. Suddenly has great energy and has rushed off to battle. Must have gotten strength from Orome.
Day 16: Rushes into battle. Am crushing Haradrim, Easterlings and Orcs. Go Rohirrim!! We rock!! Darkness has come. Theoden is dead. And Eowyn too!! Did not know she was here. Must have missed something. Eowyn too stubborn for woman. Should have listened to Aragorn. Am very pissed. Orcs, Easterlings and other scum will die!! No one kills my sis and uncle and gets away with it!! Am being very big and bad now. Too impressive sight for enemy. Go me!! Suddenly see ships behind. People have lost their mind. Scream that Corsairs of Umbar have come. Don't believe it. Was Aragorn all along in majestic glory.Truly looks like a King now.
Was glad to see Aragorn again. Guy can kick major ass with Anduril and we won battle of Pelennor Fields.
Day 17: Apparently, Eowyn not dead! Is so very cool. Aragorn came to pull her out of shadows. Was very strange. Didn't saw him pull. Only called her name and placed kiss on her brow. Must be magical kiss. Called her name too. Discussed with Gandalf and Aragorn why she was desperate. Don't know either.
Day 18: Had discussion with Gandalf, Imrahil, Aragorn and sons of Elrond. Still don't know who Elrond is. Must ask around somewhere. Last battle is coming. Cool. Means I can kick more Orc asses. Am leaving part of army behind to protect Minas Tirith.
Sauron must be laughing. Don't have big army. But according to Gandalf our battle is strategic move to give some Ringbearer chance to destroy one Ring. What One Ring? What does Sauron want with stupid Ring? Don't get it. Sauron has bad attitude. Needs to get fixed. Only thing that counts is that I get to kick some more Enemy asses. Go me!!
Day 19: Left for Black Gate. Got there. Some dirty guy named Mouth of Sauron came to bargain. Looks very creepy and ugly. Can see why he's alone. Has to be a dwimmerlaik. Thought he could play all big and bad against Aragorn, but got scared sh*t. Haha, is such a whimp. Guy has got a bad attitude. Am sure we'll be about to fix that.
Gandalf threw Sauron's terms away. Is pretty cool. White guy looks pretty impressive when he does that.
Had great battle with loads of Orcs. Looked like we wasn't gonna win. But suddenly earth cracked and shook and towers fell apart. Gandalf says that Ringbearer has accomplished task. Is very cool. Go us!!!
Day 20: Got back to Minas Tirith. Great party going on there. Very good music. Liked the screams of the people. Aragorn got crowned as king. Still not King guy is now King. Go Elfstone!! Elfstone? Why do I call him that? Name is Aragorn.
Day 21: Returned to Rohan to get things good. Country needs to be rearranged. Work as King is pretty cool. Hope I still get to ride my horse Firefoot and kick some ass.
Day 22: Returned to Minas Tirith. Had to settle thing with Dwarf as have now seen Galadriel. Is pretty chick. But not as sexy as Queen Arwen Evenstar. Dwarf did not get mad. Is cool.
Day 23: Got to bury Theoden in Rohan. Had a very big and royal company. Funeral was cool. Eowyn got engaged to Faramir. New bonding between Rohan and Gondor is never wrong. Faramir nice chap. Pretty quiet, but can kick ass too I've heard.
Day 24: Married Lothiriel, daughter of Imrahil. Is pretty nice chick. Like her a lot. Not as sexy as Arwen Evenstar, but will have to do.
Day 25: Have now a son!!! Elfwine! Hope he's gonna be as good and strong as me. Go me for creating the kid!!!